I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
