i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
