Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
