yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My vagina just clenched in fear
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
