So drunk its hurt
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
