she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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