i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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