I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
