I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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