We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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