I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Couch. On fire.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
