You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need moral support for this bender
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
