he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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