come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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