Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
