He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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