is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
