i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
