By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
