you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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