Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
