I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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