It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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