all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
