I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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