guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
