You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
