I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
