Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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