I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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