It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
