New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
