what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
