her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
