nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
