If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I puked a lego.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
