No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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