i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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