I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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