How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
