I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
