proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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