I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
