i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
