my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
