Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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