no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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