why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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