Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.