I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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