My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
