He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
