she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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