I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
