I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
