Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
