Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
