There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
