My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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