I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
