he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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