just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
