i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
