We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
