Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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