there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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