You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
