she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am available for nakedness
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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