winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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